Mistakes
by BlackRosedAlice
Summary: There's more than meets the eye when it comes to Onodera Ritsu. He's running from a past he can't escape, pushing away a future he can't hold, and then there's the man he loves but holds at bay. Takano Masamune. Can a boss teach his subordinate how to trust, live and possibly love once more? TakaRitsu and other cannon pairings. R&R.
1. Chapter 1: A day at the beginning

**Mistakes Chapter 1: Prelude**

**Disclaimer: Sekaiichi Hatsukoi is owned by Nakamura-sensei. **

**Warnings: (past) non-con (not explicit, no rape), fairly dark themes, possible cutting (depends on story) and angst, but won't be over the top. If you have an issue with BL, then you're in the wrong fandom. Go away.**

* * *

It was the middle of hell week.

And it was the week from hell. Truly. The tension and anxiety in the room was palpable, casting a black haze of gloom and doom in Marukawa's Emerald editorial department. Papers ranging from post-it notes to A3 paper, splashed with rejected ideas and drawings, covered every possible inch of leg room, with a smattering of boxes and stationary littering wherever the snowy gray mess didn't touch. There was barely any room to stretch one's legs, save for the 8 by 8 inch space allocated to each editor to write, read and work at.

The room was a mess. Well...messier than usual, and that was saying a lot considering it was the second to last day of said week from Hades.

It was flu season, and 2 authors had fallen sick. As much as Takano was shouting how mangakas should never fall sick, and even if they did, they should keep working anyway;

"_I mean, if they're going to get sick, why can't they get sick after they've met their deadline, damn it!" _; the long and short of it was they would be violating several labour laws and possible the criminal code if the editors succumbed to Takano's suggestion of breaking and entering the unfortunate mangaka's houses and _forcing _them to meet the _"bloody deadline!"._

Ritsu winced slightly as another small mountain of paper dropped itself in front of him. Looking up, he saw Takano, his first crush, his first love, his first...that.., towering over him with a disapproving frown on his face.

'_You know when they say love is blind? Yeah. Living example right here. Ugh, the mistakes of youth...'_

"Onodera! You're still not done with the typesetting yet? What the hell have you been doing the past 2 hours?"

"I'm almost done." snapped Ritsu, sending a glare at his boss while gritting his teeth. Yeah, he was slow at typesetting. He just wasn't that experienced at it. He knew that! But he had been working for 26 hours straight, hadn't had a shower in two days and was running on nothing but coffee and energy drinks for the past 24 hours. He had a right to be snarky!

"Then hurry up! Once you're done, start looking through the stuff from Maki-sensei!"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." mumbled Ritsu as he turned back to his work. Takano shot him one last glare before scowling. Turning round he spotted Kisa dozing with a marker pen in his hand, and started shouting for him to "_wake the hell up and do some work!"_.

Ritsu tuned out Kisa's whinings and Takano's reprimands, _trying_ to focus on the work in front of him. He could feel his hands tremble slightly as he held the X-acto knife, gingerly tracing the edges of the paper.

'_Damn it, caffeine overdose.'_

It didn't matter too much, he supposed. The tremblings were mild, and nothing he couldn't handle. Nothing he hadn't handled before.

He hurriedly continued with his work at a slightly higher pace than previously. The last thing he needed was Takano-san to be breathing down his neck for his "_abominable#y slow pace". _

Stifling a yawn, Ritsu placed the completed manga on his boss's desk, making sure that he'd see it, before glancing at the next pile of work.

At the sight of it, Ritsu couldn't suppress the small sigh that escaped him.

'_Welcome to hell week alright.' _he thought bitterly. Ritsu stretched slightly, his muscles stiff from holding them in one position for so long, before he sat down at his desk and started to shift through the never-ending pile of manga.

It was going to be another long night.

* * *

There was a unanimous groan as the runner for the printing department screamed the usual "Thanks for your work!" before tearing out of Emerald's editing department at mach speed. The sonic boom leftover echoed through the room, swirling paper faintly around the six, passed-out, editors.  
"Urrrggg..." moaned Kisa pitifully. "Finally over..."

"You can say that again." muttered Hatori. "Once again, I apologize for Yoshikawa-sensei's utter disregard for the deadline..."

"It's okay Hatori. It's how sensei is afterall. The content this time was good." sighed Takano. He would've reprimanded Hatori more, but really, the content had truly been exceptional. And right now the department looked more similar to a warzone than it did an actual room; with his subordinates looking like fallen soldiers around him. He could be screaming his head off dancing in a tutu and he wouldn't get more than a twitch out of them. No point in wasting his breath.

"Good job everyone. We managed to get by another cycle..."

"Yeah, by the skin of our teeth..." someone grumbled.

Takano ignored it.

"Go home, get some sleep. See you all tomorrow at noon for a debrief and tidy up."

There were general shouts of "see you tomorrow." and "good work y'all" as the editors pulled on their coats and shuffled out of the room at various speeds.

Ritsu pulled himself out of his wonderfully cushioned chair and proceeded to wrap his coat around him.

"Onodera."

He looked up.

Takano was looking at him with a stoic mask, made exponentially scarier with the heavy dark shadows under his eyes.

"Takano-san. Is anything wrong?"

Takano shook his head.

"Not really. Just that you seem to be doing well with Mutou-sensei. Keep up the good work."

Ritsu couldn't help the slight blush that rose to his cheeks.

"Thank you for the praise. But there's still a lot for me to learn." muttered Ritsu, his eyes falling to the ground in embarrassment.

"Yeah. There is."

Ritsu scowled at Takano's bluntness. He was about to retort when he felt a large hand ruffle his hair.

"But you're not doing too badly. You've stuck through the 'training from hell'; don't give me that look, I know what Kisa and Mino say behind my back; and you're slowly improving. That's good enough for now."

Ritsu could feel his rising embarrassment in the way he could feel his ears burn.

"I...Thank you Takano-san."

'_Why does he always know when to encourage me? But I mustn't get complacent. I've still a lot to learn. I'm not good enough yet.'_

"S'fine Onodera. Need a lift home?"

Takano's deep voice, slightly gravelly from the days of abuse and tiredness made electric sparks travel down Ritsu's spine. Ritsu paled slightly then blushed a deeper shade of cherry.

"I...no..I mean...that's fine Takano-san! I need to do get a few things on the way home and I'm fine with the bus. Thank you for the hard work and have a nice night." rambled Ritsu before he grabbed his bag and shot out of the room, leaving behind a frowning Takano, who shrugged before grabbing his stuff to leave for home, where a hot shower and bed awaited.

* * *

Ritsu panted as he hurried into the bathroom near the editorial department. Shooting into a stall, thanking some wonderful deity that the toilets were empty, and closing the lid on the toilet bowl before seating himself on it.

It had been a small quirk of his when he was a child. For some strange, bizarre reason, he used to lock himself in the bathroom when he needed some thinking space to sort out his thoughts and emotions. It was the only place in the house where he felt he could be alone. His room was...he couldn't think in _that_ place. Not with the thought of..._that person_...no. Outdoors were hardly private when any one of the maids or neighbours could spot him, and everywhere in doors were common areas where he'd get distracted by something or someone. And so a small habit from his younger years had carried over to his young adult self. Sitting in a toilet stall to think was something he did on occasion still, and this was such an occasion.

And the star of his thoughts was a certain tall, dark-haired editor that had been occupying his thoughts, driving him almost to distraction.

_I mean, what do I even see in Takano? He's egoistical, rude, blunt, honest, brilliant at his work and AARRGGHH! No! No! Stop doing that!_

Ritsu gave a soft moan as he clutched his head between his hands, memories of them together, as students, as adults, as editors, as boss and worker, as...as lovers, rose in his mind, uncontrolled, each image of Takano vivid and sharp, almost as if his mind had, without his consent, burned them into his memory.

_He's my boss! He's my ex! He's a MAN! There are so many reasons why this is wrong, wrong, wrong! I need to stop thinking like this. I need to stop..._

Ritsu frowned at the incomplete thought, as a sharp pain lanced into his chest, strangely near the area his heart was.

_I need to stop..._

"I need to stop falling in love with him." he whispered into the empty stall. The ache near his heart seemed to solidify into an almost palpable weight.

Ritsu froze as tear, unbidden, started forming in his eyes at the thought of squashing this...whatever it was he felt...thing he had for Takano.

_Oh god. I've completely fallen for him haven't I? _

The thought made him freeze. The thought of him, in love? Preposterous. Impossible. Absurd. Unthinkable. Incon-fucking-ceivable.

'_But true._' whispered the soft voice in his heart.

Ritsu gave a small moan as he buried his face into his hands once more

Shit.

* * *

Yokozawa Takafumi was a...happy? No, not quite. But a content man?

Maybe.

The heavy ache that he had carried emotionally for almost five years had finally abated to the point where he could think back on his past self without wincing in pain. Perhaps on some deep emotional level, he had understood long ago that Takano would never see him as anything more than a friend. He had understood Takano's self enforced celibacy after their short dating stint during college. He had understood that Takano had a deep hole in his heart after his first love had dumped him, and above all, he had known, somewhere, somehow, that he wasn't the person who could heal him. As such, he had managed to accept Takano's rejection surprisingly well with his heart, though his mind had raged and shouted objections and protests. As such, he was finally, after 3 months since the fiasco that mostly consisted of him breaking down into tears in front of the love of his life, who had just told him that he loved another man, the same man who broke his heart ten years ago...well...yeah. It was a fiasco. But, after 3 months, he was able to look at Takano in the eyes without flinching inside. He was finally able to not drink himself into a stupor every night before his off day. He was finally able to smile (people at the office would be shocked, he knew, but he did actually smile, on occasion).

Finally, 6 months later, he was able to become the friend that Takano wanted, and it was mostly thanks to, Yokozawa grudgingly admitted, one man and his daughter.

'_But still!_' thought Yokozawa as he turned into the road that led to his apartment. '_I can't forgive Onodera for hurting Takano. I don't care what good reason he has, it's no excuse to play with another person's feelings like that!'_

Just thinking about that little coat-tail hanger rascal that was Onodera Ritsu made him scowl. He had set his feelings aside for Takano, and his main concern was as a friend. Onodera Ritsu had the capacity to not only hurt Takano, but completely destroy him. But Takano still insisted that Onodera wasn't playing with him. Insisted that his breakdown wasn't rooted in the breakup, which apparently was, Yokozawa had snorted when he heard, a misunderstanding. Takano insisted that Onodera wasn't a bad person. And, if Yokozawa was _really_ honest with himself, he agreed.

As much as Yokozawa didn't want to, he could reluctantly respect that Onodera had wanted out from under his parents shadow, and his work while not brilliant, was acceptable. Considering how new Onodera was at editing manga, getting an 'acceptable' was impressive. He was a hard worker, a fast learner, and an intelligent subordinate. If they had met under different circumstances, Yokozawa might have even _liked_ Onodera. The horror.

As he opened the door leading to his apartment, his left eyebrow rose an inch as he spotted two pair of shoes, one a man's business shoes, one a young girl's slippers, scattered untidily at the doorstep.

Grumbling slightly, he carefully put them away in the shoebox before removing his own as well.

"I'm home." he called.

"Mommy! You're back" cried out Hiyori as she ran down the hallway and threw herself at this 40-something-grizzly-old-bear-lookalike; he was NOT 40 years old thank you very much. He was only twenty-nine for pities sake! Sorry for looking older than his age!

On reflex, he had dropped his suitcase, bent down and held his arms out to the ten, '_almost eleven!'_, girl. Her warmth as she snuggled into his suit and smile as she looked up at him was like balm for sore eyes.

"I'm home, Hiyori." he murmured into her hair. Then something she said clicked.

"Hey! Wait a second. Hiyori, who told you to call me that?" he squawked.

"Daddy did! He said that since he said he was the daddy, and he likes you, so that makes you mommy!"

"Huh?!" spluttered Yokozawa.

"Hey, you're back Takafumi. You're later than usual." Kirishima Zen stepped out of the kitchen wearing an apron. "Come on, we've made gyoza tonight. Hiyori, go set the table."

"'Kaayy..." called Hiyori as she moved towards the kitchen.

"ZEN! What the hell are doing telling Hiyori to call me mom?"

"Oh, you practically are. You buy her stuff, she goes to you when she gets nightmares, you pick her up from school when needed, you cook for her."

"We cook together, and we share the laundry!"

"You see? Now we sound like an old married couple."

"What?! Who's an old married couple?! I..you...we are... mmpphh!"

His ranting was cut off by a pair of lips smashing into his own. His arms were pinned to his sides by a stronger pair curling around him. The lips were firm, and slightly soft, and he couldn't stop himself from yielding to them. He felt a small nibble on his lower lip and the small moan escaped him before he could think. A tongue immediately pressed into his mouth, prying it open. There was a futile battle of their tongues, before Yokozawa lost and yielded to the brown-haired man in front of him. The kiss was wonderfully passionate, yet gentle and warm, like the man himself. Another moan, slightly louder this time, made Yokozawa snap back to his senses and he managed to push Kirishima away.

"Hiyori! If she saw us..."

"She'd be grossed out at the sight as all children are. Personally, I don't think she'd care though. She's mature for her age." Kirishima replied absently as he tugged at his lover's tie and undid the top two buttons.

"But still!"

"Takafumi." Kirishima's voice was soft as Yokozawa felt him nuzzle into his neck. "It's fine. Besides, I haven't touched you in ages..."

Yokozawa sighed a little in pleasure as Kirishima found the exact spot on his neck that made heat pool in his abdomen and his knees go weak.

"Dad! Onii-san! Dinner's ready!" called out Hiyori as she pattered towards the hallway. "What's with the both of you?" she asked, turning inquisitive, innocent eyes towards the two elder men. Zen and Takafumi jumped apart, Takafumi red-faced and blushing, while Kirishima had the faintest blush across his face.

"Nothing Hiyori. Come on. Let's have dinner." Zen replied with a grin. Hiyori pouted before shrugging and walked back to the dining room.

Yokozawa started heading towards the dining room when he was pulled back by two arms enveloping him.

"We'll finish this later." promised Kirishima, causing Yokozawa to blush an even deeper red. A light peck on the top of his head, and Kirishima was gone, leaving Yokozawa to regulate his breathing out in the hallway.

Once that was achieved, Yokozawa managed to remove his tie properly, and dumped his coat and briefcase in the sitting room before heading towards the dining room.

Entering it, he found two people waiting for him, with an empty spot at the table, laid with his filled rice bowl and the promised gyoza.

"Come on. Let's eat." said Kirishima with a smile.

Yokozawa couldn't help smiling a little back.

It seems like he was a happy man afterall.

* * *

He sat surrounded in the dark for a little longer, not minding the mind-numbing silence that permeated his environment. He was never afraid of the dark. He could never understand people who did.

The dark was like a blanket of safety and silence. Where he could wrap his arms around himself and pretend he wasn't rocking himself to sleep at night. Where he could think back on what had happened and imagine a hundred, a thousand, ten thousand ways in which he could have avoided the incident. Which he could have escaped the nightmare of repeated attempts. Where he had seen the signs, understood what was going on, knew what to do, who to go to. He would imagine himself learning karate, taekwondo, any sort of self defence, that could have helped. He could remember, in excruciating detail each brush of skin, each painful pinch...his pitiful whines of no..no...

NO!

Ritsu woke with a gasp, and blinked as the gray light that shone just before dawn filtered through his windows.

'_What time is it?'_ he wondered as he wished, not for the first time, that his clock had a glow in the dark features.

His pupils dilated painfully as he flicked on his bedside lights, his eyes squinting as he read the bedside alarm clock that flashed 5:15am.

Ritsu scowled. Early enough that he would be sleepy later on, late enough that by the time he got back to sleep, it would be time to wake up anyway.

With a sigh and a grunt, Ritsu threw himself out of his warm bed and padded over the cold wooden floors to the shower. While he mechanically went through his morning routine, his mind drifted to the nightmare he had.

Again.

He supposed he should be thankful that time had eased the frequency and length of the nightmares. When he had been younger, they had been occurring almost nightly, and once he had them, he would lay awake into the night, desperately reading the latest book from the library to ease his mind.

People were always impressed and shocked when they learned that he would obsessively read every book in the library.

He use to wonder what their response would be if they knew that it was because he had been too terrified to sleep. It had gotten so bad that he had started to take cough medicine to ensure he managed to forcefully knock himself off.

Now, they occurred only once a week or so, or when he was under stress. Thankfully, with his job, he couldn't even sleep during these periods of stress; and many times he was so tired that he couldn't even dream.

It was times like these though, when all the fear and frustration from the end of cycle melted away that his body seemed almost insistent on dredging up old memories, reminding him of what had happened.

_Of what you had let happen._

Of what he had lost.

_Of what you didn't manage to protect._

Something that he would never get back again.

_No. Never will you be able to go back to who you were._

Ritsu shook his head, glancing at the mirror as he laid the hairbrush on the dresser. They were memories, yes, memories of a time long gone, long past. But they had left the deepest of scars and harshest of burns on his mind. He knew it wasn't healthy. Pushing it all down, ignoring it all, but he had done it for the past 12 years. He would be fine. It had been hard at first. At first, every movement, every touch made him nervous. He would be acutely aware of anyone in a 5 meter radius around him. He would tense when someone walked past him from behind. He wouldn't meet anyone in the eye. Every sudden movement made him twitch involuntary, and every person looking at him reminded Ritsu of _his_ gaze.  
And then that incident at Onodera publishing had happened. He escaped, ran away, unable to deal with it if it happened a second time.

But time had helped many of his wounds scab over. He had time since to lock down the fear, the shame, and continue his life to the best of his ability. Closing a desperate blind eye to the people around him, the _strangeness _of his certain actions.

How he wouldn't eat anything unless he had bought it himself.

How he would desperately avoid going out to eat unless absolutely necessary.

How he avoided crowded areas, and would obsessively huddle into a seat on the metro, refusing to give it up to anyone, not even an exhausted boss.

For the most part, he was exceedingly grateful that most people were too caught up in their own lives to notice these small habits, or passed it off as one of his many quirks.

But a small, tiny part of him wondered how they _couldn't _notice. His almost complete lack of smiles and laughter, his indifference, his near hysteria when he came into close contact with anyone.

_Maybe they just don't care. Hell, even Takano didn't notice. _

The thought of Takano not caring about him brought a sharp stab of pain.

But why should he feel hurt over something as petty as that?

It wasn't Takano's fault. Ritsu had consistently pushed Takano away at every opportunity, having decided long ago that regardless of what his heart told him, never again will he be hurt like that ever again. Never again will he allow himself to fall in love, or act on the feelings he had secretly acknowledged yesterday.

Because any hurt he felt now, was nothing compared to the hurt he felt back then. Now it was only an screaming echo that would never go away, where as before, it had been a howling shriek of pain.

Ritsu sighed, before reaching to turn off the coffee machine and poured himself a cup of steaming, bitter liquid. As he sipped the dark liquid, he surveyed his untidy apartment with a critical eye. He hadn't time to clean recently and the place looked like a hurricane and a nuclear bomb had met and gotten kinky right in the middle of his sitting room.

He didn't need to go into work until noon.

He heaved another sigh. Guess he knew what he was doing for the next 6 hours.

* * *

Takano Masamune had often been respected and admired by the people around him. Apart from his melodramatic stint during his university years, his looks and intelligence had garnered much appreciation from his bosses, friends and colleagues. If they had to pick at his greatest flaw, it would be his slightly caustic personality, but even that had its appeal.

All in all, Takano Masamune cut an impressive figure, one to be respected.

Masamune had often wondered what they would think if they knew he was book nerd, who was gay and had a slight liking for the bottle of whisky he kept hidden behind the kitchen cupboard.  
He wondered what they would think if he was lusting after one of his subordinates.

Then he wondered what their response would be if they knew he was completely, utterly and desperately captivated by one Onodera Ritsu, newbie editor of Emerald, and heir to the Onodera fortune.

Yeah. He didn't think that they would be that impressed either.

Falling for Onodera wasn't exactly part of the ten year plan that the therapist Yokozawa had forced him to visit made him make. He never did go to the follow up session.

In any case, be it during high school or now, Onodera Ritsu was a wild card thrown in to turn his world into chaos. Yet, Takano couldn't bring himself to dislike this chaos, because it meant that Ritsu was with him, near him. Close enough for Takano to send discrete glances at the light brown hair, just to reassure himself that Ritsu was actually _there._

Onodera would never really learn the full extent of the devastation he had wrought when he'd up and left Takano, without so much as a by-your-leave. While looking back, he had the shit end of the puberty stick, with hormones and family trying to outdo each other in a 'how can we mess with Takano Masamune more' competition, it would be lying to say that Ritsu didn't leave his own mark. However, that was all in the past, and while Takano hadn't actively sought out a new relationship, the fact that Ritsu had materialised in front of him once more, and Takano falling for him _again_, astounded Takano, and if he was really honest with himself, felt something as corny as _fate_.

A loud thud resonating from the unit beside him jerked Takano out of his musings, and he stretched languidly in his large bed. It was a rare treat to be able to sleep in and lay around, but judging by the harsh sunlight filtering through his curtains, it was late morning, and about time to wake up.

Not that he was going to though.

Another thud resounded through his apartment, and he scowled.

Correction, he was going to get up and bang on his neighbour's-slash-lover's door and ask him what the bloody hell was going on to make such a racket.

He groaned as he sat up, running his long fingers through his bird's nest head. He held a two second debate as to whether it was worth actually leaving the room. Another low shudder made up his mind as he climbed out of his warm bed with a groan. Mumbling under his breath he grabbed his keys and left the apartment, shuddering slightly as the cold winter air wafted through his thin T-shirt and sleeping trousers. Scowling heavily, his legs walked the four and a half steps it took to reach Onodera's front door, and he thus proceeded to pound on it.

"Oi, Onodera! Open up!"

A muffled shout of "coming!" made him stop his abuse on the door, and shortly thereafter, an annoyed looking green-eyed brunette shoved the door open.

"Takano-san. Good morning. Is there anything the matter?"

Takano looked down at his lover (Onodera just didn't know it yet) and _stared._

Onodera was wearing a pair of torn, knee length shorts, a faded, sea green polo shirt and wore a scarf around his head. If the duster in clutched in his hand was any indication, he was half way through house cleaning.

With a start, Takano realised that he had never seen Onodera like this. He'd seen him in office-wear, uniform, but never so...casual, and certainly never with a scarf around his head. And Takano couldn't stop the images that flooded unbidden into his mind, of Onodera in pyjamas, in a ratty old t-shirt….Takano's ratty old t-shirt…

"Hey! Are you listening?"

Onodera's grumpy voice shook Takano out of his momentary lapse in presence.

Takano returned Onodera's frown with one of his own.

"I'm just here to find out what the hell you're doing making such a racket so early in the morning. Seriously. I could hear it from my apartment." he snapped.

Onodera winced apologetically.

" Really? Sorry about that. I was cleaning and was moving a few boxes…."

" I know. I can tell."

The curt statement made Onodera blush with embarrassment at his current wear.

A cold wind blew, making Takano shiver, which Onodera noticed.

Giving a sigh, he motioned for Takano to enter the cleaned house. Takano gave a sigh of relief as he entered the warm hallway. Whoever invented indoor heating was a genius.

"Just sit wherever. I'll make some tea."

Takano just grunted as he took in the almost blindingly clean living room. It was such a contrast to the last time he was here that he blinked just to check if it was the same room. Previously the room floor was covered in dubiously clean laundry, a few empty beer cans, takeout boxes and piles and piles of books and papers. Perhaps it was the haphazard nature of the room that had distracted Takano previously, but now that the room was clean, it felt….empty. There was no television, no pictures or certificates framed on the mantelpiece. No posters of rock bands or pictures or ornaments of any kind. There wasn't even a fake plant to cheer the place. There was only a sofa set, a glass table, a carpet and a large bookcase stuffed with books.

A small frown settled itself between his brows. Onodera moved in over 8 months ago. It was unfathomable that he hadn't finished unpacking. Takano himself was a fairly conservative person, and with few connections and family bonds, his household decor was sparse at best. However, even he had a few knick-knacks he kept lying around. A few car magazines he enjoyed. Several watercolour paintings given to him by a previous author. He even had a potted_Aspidistra Elatior,_ or more commonly known as the 'cast-iron plant', kept in a corner of the room.

But Onodera's place was completely devoid of such personal touches, the bare walls making a impending sense of unease creep over Takano.

"Here's your tea."

Takano blinked. He didn't hear Onodera enter the room, but nonetheless there he stood, holding out a steaming cup of Sencha. Damn, he must be really out of it this morning.

"Thanks." he muttered as he took the cup and proceeded the sip the tea slowly.

There was an awkward moment before Onodera gave a small sigh.

"Sorry about waking you up. I'll be more careful in the future. I guess I shouldn't have…"

Takano cut him off before he could finish.

"S'fine. I was awake anyway. I'm surprised you're cleaning up though. If I remember correctly the last time I came here…"

"Hey! You invited yourself over without invitation! It was nearing the end of the cycle! Where would I have time to clean then?"

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say." Takano finished up the rest of his tea and stretched. "Anyway, since I'm up, and I've nothing to do, need help?"

Ritsu frowned slightly and glanced at the clock.

"Thanks, but I need to head into work in a bit."

" Meeting's at noon."

"Mmm… but I need to check up on a few things."

Takano snorted as he glanced at the clock that said ten.

"Good luck trying to find anything in that hellhole."

Ritsu gave a grimace in acknowledgement.

"Well, might as well head in early too."

"Eh? Why? It's your morning off…"

"Bored. Might as well look through those draft proposals. Be ready in fifteen minutes, we'll head there together. I'll just go home and change." Takano said as he walked towards the door.

"Wait, what?" spluttered Ritsu. "Why?"

"Because I'm your superior that's why."

And with that, Takano left the apartment heading towards his own.

Fifteen minutes later found a grouchy, and slightly confused looking Ritsu taking the lift down with an indifferent looking Takano.

They rode the lift in silence and as they stepped out of the building a soft white drop of ice fluttered down on to Ritsu's nose.

Ritsu blinked and paused, Takano halting next to him.

"What's wrong?"

Ritsu looked up at the gray skies, and saw an increasing multitude of swirling white snowflakes gently falling. Takano looked up at the same time as a small smile graced Onodera's lips.

"It's snowing."

* * *

**A/N: Hello. I'm BlackRosedAlice, and this is my first Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fanfiction. I hope you like it. Reviews are much appreciated as are constructive criticism. Favourite and subscribe if you liked it. Read and review.**


	2. Chapter 2: Memories of a past

**Mistakes: Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: Sekaiichi Hatsukoi is owned by Nakamura-sensei.**

**Warnings: (past) non-con (not explicit, no rape), fairly dark themes, possible cutting (depends on story) and angst, but won't be over the top. If you have an issue with BL, then you're in the wrong fandom. Go away. ****This chapter has quite a bit of swearing as well, but it won't always be like this.**

* * *

Takano scowled at the no man's land that was the editing office of Marukawa Emerald Division.

"All right you lot, start cleaning up."

There were mumbles and groans all round, as the editors shifted papers and the like into haphazard piles, filing away the old, and arranging the new.

"Who's turn is it to air out the teddies?"

"Oi, Onodera! It's your turn!" called out Kisa gleefully. He had teddy duty last month and was practically skipping that he didn't have to do it for a while yet.

Onodera gave mumbled curse under his breath as he heaved the large boxes of stuffed toys out into the car park to air out in the sun. It took a trolley with 3 boxes to move the sum total of stuffed toys from the office on the 4 floor, out into the car-park. It had stopped snowing shortly after one o'clock, and a thin layer of snow lay, dirtied and muddied by car tracks and footprints that spread over the ground.

The winter air swirled around him, and Onodera shivered as he realized that he had forgotten his coat in the warm office room. Giving a small sigh, he arranged the stuffed toys carefully on a pink cloth under a tree. It was a rarely frequented spot behind the building, and besides, everyone who worked in Marukawa knew not to touch the toys. The rumours that their.._.ambience_ was catching was a well-established belief in the company. It would take a very brave (and brainless) employee to steal one of them.

Onodera gave a huff as the last of the toys were arranged under the tree. Glancing up at the dried wintery tree, almost dead-like, with it's spidery branches almost clawing at the air, Onodera gave a small pause. There was no one around him. It was the middle of the working day. It would do no harm to relax a little. He wouldn't be missed for 3 minutes, surely.

Ritsu couldn't stop the small smile that found it's way onto his lips. Winter was a special time to him. The cold seemed to sooth the fear in his heart. The snowflakes seemed to muffle his ears and eyes to the world. And sometimes, just for a moment, Ritsu could pretend that nothing existed in the world.

He didn't often have moments like this. Between his exhaustive job, his nightmares and the self-study he did, his mind was always abuzz with activity and thoughts.

'_But,'_ he thought. '_I need moments like this too.'_ as he slumped against the tree and gazed up at the gray sky. He was so tired. Not tired enough to not want to go on of course. But just...tired.

For 3 minutes, he wanted to forget about his past. For 3 minutes, he didn't want to think. Not about his job, his life, his family or Takano. For 3 minutes, he only wanted to exist in this world.

Just for 3 minutes.

And he closed his eyes.

* * *

When Takano Masamune introduced himself as the head of department for manga, he was usually greeted with mixed reactions of shock and acceptance. Afterall, he hardly fit the typical stereotype that most of the population had for people working in the manga industry. But for the people in the know, they would nod appreciatively at his stern frown and hard gaze.

However, eyebrows really rose when he told them that he was working in the _shoujo_ manga department, and ran it damn well. Then they would stare at him blankly when they learnt that not only did he have other males in the department, his department consisted of _only_ males.  
But that was all okay. They got over it.  
They only started looking at him askance when they visited the department itself and was surrounded by a doll-house come alive.

But the things was, Takano Masamune didn't _care_. He was good at his job, and he liked his job. Who were they to judge? And, although he knew it galled his colleagues to admit it, his methods worked. His department went from rags to riches in the space of one year. An unbelievable feat of staggering magnitude. His editors were _good_. He trained them _very well._ And if the newbies couldn't take the training, well, out they went. God knows how many hopeful manga editors had passed through the department, before quitting within a month. The longest one had lasted 3 months before breaking down when Takano started his 'training from hell'. So far, Onodera was the latest, and he seemed to be a keeper.

_'Doesn't hurt that he's got the looks to match as well.'_ thought Takano, smirking slightly at the thought.

'_Thinking about Onodera...he sure is taking his time with the toys...'_

Takano frowned his eyes glancing toward the clock before falling on the semi-neat desk, scattered with paper, pens and a dark brown coat...

Takano scowled. That little idiot forgot his coat! It was bloody freezing out there! He mumbled a sigh before grabbing said coat and moving towards the door.

"When you've finished cleaning up start working! Kisa! I want that proposal on my desk by tomorrow!"

Various shouts of assent followed him out of the room as he trudged down the hallway to the lifts, down them, and out the door.

Turning the corner that led to the tree that historically marked the Emerald department's 'teddy region', he was about to shout about slow editors when the sight he was greeted him made him pause. There, snuggled into the tree, sitting on a corner of the pink cloth, was a close-eyed Ritsu, smiling gently against the gray sky.

Part of him, the boss part of him, was irritated. What was he doing? Was he sleeping on company time? Another part of him, the blushing touchy-feely part of him couldn't help but want to stare at this quiet, smiling Ritsu forever. Then there was the realist part of him, that was annoyed at Ritsu. It was freezing out here! What was he doing, lying around in the snow for? And damn it, what was he himself doing standing here and staring, and not lying next to Ritsu and giving him warmth?

It seemed like the realist part of him and the touchy feely part of him were best friends when it came to the topic of Onodera Ritsu.

Shaking his head slightly to rid himself of his ridiculous thoughts, and was about to walk towards his dozing subordinate when said subordinate heaved a great sigh, and opened his eyes.

And looked straight at him.

* * *

The cold wind calmed him down, and the silent surroundings made his problems seem a little smaller. Ritsu heaved a sigh, and opened his eyes, to find his boss staring at him with a slightly disapproving look on his face, holding what looked to be a coat.

Onodera flushed red in shame at being caught lazing around when he was supposed to be working, and his gaze fell to the ground. He felt, rather than watched as Takano continued to move towards him, able to imagine the stern look on his face.

A pair of shiny black shoes came into his view, and Ritsu gritted his teeth and looked down at the ground, fully expecting a long lecture about laziness and how Marukawa didn't pay to sleep on company time. Instead he felt a heavy coat being wrapped gently over his stiff posture and a large hand came up to ruffle his hair. Bewildered, Ritsu looked up, only to find himself being drawn into the gentle look that was spread over Takano's features. He wasn't smiling. Not really. But it was there in the line of his jaw, the softening crease on his forehead, and a warm feeling filled the pit of his stomach.

"You forgot your coat."

Ritsu nodded numbly.

"I was just going to come up."

"I know."

Their breathing mixed softly as they drew closer to each other. Ritsu could smell Takano's deoderent, mixed with something that was uniquely Takano, making him want to curl up like a cat into the warmth of it.

Takano leaned forward and the blush on Ritsu's face turned a deeper shade of red. Instead of meeting his lips however, Takano moved towards the side, his lips brushing the rim of his ear, making it burn.

"But you know, Onodera..." he whispered. " You really shouldn't be lying around when you should be working."

"What the hell?!" snapped Onodera, the moment lost instantly.

"Oh, and by the way you need to send in the draft for Mutou-sensei's new manga. Make sure you get it in on time." Takano called before smirking at him and walking off towards the building, leaving a snarling Onodera to trail behind him.

* * *

"Thanks for your hard work!" called out Kisa as he left the office for the day.

Ritsu hummed in response as his gaze trailed over the draft manuscript in front of him, a red marker in his hands as he edited it as well as he could. Should he get her to change that gag scene to a serious one? He bit his lower lip in concentration as he considered plotline, character and scene.

"Onodera, when you're done with that, you can head on home."

"Okay." Ritsu replied absently as he decided that yes, the scene should be adjusted. It would flow better that way. Making another red mark on the paper, he gave heaved a small sigh of relief. The manga was going well, it seemed, and tomorrow was a day off. While Christmas wasn't a holiday in general, it just so happened that it fell on a Saturday this year, and the 24th was coincidentally his day off. All in all, he'd have a blissful long weekend to relax over before having to face the new year.

But, if he wanted that long weekend off, he'd better earn it! He knew himself well enough that he wouldn't be getting anything done for the next few days, and didn't want to leave any unfinished work. Not when he was going _there_ today, and he was always in a bad shape for a few days afterwards. Twisting his mouth into a grim line, he picked the last proposal he had to finish and starting typing.

He didn't notice the time passing him by. Didn't the notice slightly worried look Takano cast at him as he carefully finished his work. Didn't notice that the office emptied out until only he and Takano was left. Didn't notice until he finished proof-reading that last page of the proposal for Mutou sensei's tankoubon release, and stretch lazily in his chair.

"Done?"

Ritsu almost fell out of his chair in surprise.

"Takano-san! What are you still doing here?"

Takano sent him one of his 'are-you-an-idiot' glares.

"Waiting for you to finish of course. Come on. I'll give you a ride back."

Ritsu jumped and flushed.

"NO! That's fine! I'm taking the train..."

"Trains aren't going to be running in this sort of weather."

"But...but I'm not... I've got somewhere I need to go!"

Takano frowned.

"It's 11 o'clock. You shouldn't be out drinking right now."

Ritsu flushed. "I'm not going out to drink! I just...there's somewhere I need to go..."

"Where? I'll drive."

"Wait! That's okay. You're tired aren't you? I'll just call a cab."

Takano ignored Ritsu's protest and pushed him unceremoniously out the office door.

"It's okay. I'm free tomorrow anyway and the battery on my car is running low."

"You took the train this morning! Why are you even driving?" protested Ritsu as they walked towards the carpark with a familiar looking black car.

"I was hardly in any state of mind to drive home during the end of the cycle was I? I left my car here with security. Come on."

And with that he nudged Ritsu towards the opened passenger door and closed it behind him, before settling down in the driver's seat. Takano started the engine and backed out of the carpark. Glancing at his passenger he tilted his heat.

"So? Where is this place you have to go to no matter what?"

* * *

The place Onodera directed him to wasn't too far away, but it was a bit out of the way. When they arrived, they climbed a long flight of stone steps up a hill, the winter wind biting into their skin. The scene they were greeted by at the top of the hill made Takano's eyes widen in surprise, and a worried frown over came his features. They were in a large clearing. Several sakura trees were scattered around the clearing, seemingly dead, but will bloom in spring. Sprawling hellebore flowers could be seen, their dark, muted colours contrasted brightly against the white background of snow. Yet, despite the obvious attempts to make it a peaceful place, it felt desolate.

_'Fitting I suppose, for a graveyard.'_ thought Takano as his eyes traveled across the area. The graveyard was well maintained. Solid stones of gray granite and black marble were neatly arranged in rows.

"You didn't have to come along you know."

Takano shrugged.

"It's fine. I didn't know you were planning to go grave visiting."

There was an awkward pause, where Ritsu shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

"So, you come every year?"

Ritsu nodded.

"Yeah."

"Who was it?"

Another pause.

"Someone that I knew."

Takano snorted at the answer, making Ritsu scowl.

"Look, Takano, I won't be long. I'll just go visit the person, and I'll be back. You should wait in the car. No need to freeze out here."

"Sure. I'll meet you in the car." came the reply and Takano moved towards the stone stairs. Hallway down the flight of steps, a sense of curiosity overcame him. Who was this person that Ritsu visited every year? Why did he die? When did he die? What was their relation?

He paused. It would be a breach of their agreement, but Ritsu never said that he _had_ to wait in the car. And besides, he was getting the slightly awful realization about how very little he knew about Ritsu, and it was starting to bug him. His mind made up, he walked back up the stairs. Once he reached the top, he crept carefully between the tombstones, searching for a particular green eyed brunette.

A voice caught his attention. It wasn't the voice itself, but rather the owner of the voice that caught his attention. Takano slid behind a tree, listening quietly as the words left Ritsu's mouth.

" I hate you. I hate you. I hate you bastard. I hate you for leaving, and not letting me get a chance at trying to kill you."

'_What the hell?'_ Takano's eyes widened in shock. The words of hatred, the bitterness in his voice, and the vehement snarl that he was undeniably hearing made his blood freeze.

"I hate you for what you did to me. I hate you and I'm glad you're fucking dead you asshole. I hope you're in hell right now."

Ritsu's voice rose, anger lacing his voice, almost shouting, his voice muted slightly by the wind.

"Fuck you Katsuki! Damn you for all you did. Did you know what you did to me? Did you? Did you know the shit I had to deal with? What I have to still have to fucking deal with? Huh? Did you know? I swear you did, didn't you? You made it so that I couldn't speak to dad about what happened. You knew I couldn't bring myself to hurt dad. Not after what you did. You took my fucking feelings and played it like a bloody trampoline you bastard!"

"You remember Takano Masamune? It was a fucking misunderstanding. If you didn't screw with my head, I wouldn't have left him. Hell, it was just a snicker! Who the hell would _leave the guy they were in love with_ over a stupid post-coital giggle? It was you who poisoned me and told me lies! You who fucked me up! And then before I could get my chance at killing you, you went and off-ed yourself, _in my fucking bedroom_."

There was a pause and a shaky laugh was heard.

"God, I don't even know what to think anymore. I don't even think you knew what you were doing back then. Hell, I don't know what I'm doing here. Why I come back every fucking year to spit on your grave. Maybe you were right in that one aspect. Maybe I do just like the pain."

There was a soft thump as Ritsu fell to his knees, his voice hoarse from shouting, his words barely above a whisper.

"I just want to forget what you did to me. I can't. I try, and I won't stop trying, just to spite you. But good god Katsuki, why? Why do you still haunt me from the grave? Why do you stop me from loving the man I love?" Ritsu's voice cracked, and a harsh cry fell from his lip before he clamped both hands over his mouth in an attempt to control the sobs that racked his body.

Onodera Ritsu was crying.

Takano couldn't move. Couldn't speak. Could barely breathe after hearing Ritsu's breakdown.

Onodera Ritsu, his precious Ritsu, sat there, in front of the frozen tombstone, and cried.

At that moment, a part of Takano broke. He had never seen Onodera cry before. Ever. Not when the pain of penetration when he had almost forced his way into the barely prepared body when they first had sex; not when he had shouted at Onodera, taking out his random bouts of anger and irritation when they were teens; not when the mountainous piles of work threatened him; not when he failed and did something wrong. Never. Onodera Ritsu had taken it all, and never uttered a work of complaint. He'd never shed a tear.

Until now.

And god, it was so wrong that someone like Ritsu should be crying. Ritsu should be scowling, shouting, whining, and...and fighting! Not clenching down on his sobs and cries and tears.

Not alone.

Takano found himself breaking into a run towards the curled up figure, before he slowed down and moved slowly towards Ritsu, part of him terrified he'd do something wrong.

Closer up, Takano could see the small droplets of tears that clung to the dark eyelashes, the red cheeks, flushed with cold, and the fingers, clenched tightly against his face as his sobs stilled and his breathing evened out.

And the dark gravestone that had the name 'ONODERA KATSUKI' engraved on black granite.

Another small sob broke him out of his observations and he reached an arm out to gently touch Ritsu's shoulder.

"Onodera."

A startled pair of sea-green eyes blinked open almost instantaneously and Ritsu whirled around, frantically searching for the intruder. Eyes so filled with fear and sadness that it made Takano freeze in fear too. A hand reached out to grab his wrist in a death grip as searching eyes met his.

"Masamune." The name that left Ritsu's lips was barely a whisper, but Takano heard it and his heart broke a little more as he heard the relief, the desperation, the _vulnerability _that laced Ritsu's voice.

Before he realized it, his hands had reached out to cup Ritsu face, and for a split second, he felt Ritsu lean into his touch, like a cat, before he blinked; and it was like a switch had been flipped and Ritsu pushed him away, with a scowl, some shout of sexual harassment or something, and a deep red blush that burned his ears; and yet Takano couldn't forget the face that Ritsu had shown just moments before, the confession that had been uttered just minutes ago. It had imprinted itself into his mind and he couldn't get himself to forget that _something_ had happened. And it was a bad thing.

Ritsu was still ranting about something or the other, and nothing was going into his mind as he mechanically reached out to Ritsu, his Ritsu, and pulled him into a tight embrace, and in a moment of clarity, Takano wanted nothing more than to hide Ritsu away from whatever nightmares that plagued him, that broke him enough that he would cry, that made Ritsu stare at him with eyes of desperation; so that Ritsu need never face them again.

A gentle push reminded pulled him from his reverie, and reality came back down on him as he loosened his hold. Ritsu pushed away from him, and his arms ached with the loss.

"Takano-san. What are you doing here?"

Takano blinked and opened his mouth. What was he going to say?

_"Are you okay?"_

_"What happened to you in the past?"_

_"What are you hiding from me?"_

Instead he said: " I got tired of waiting in the car."

Ritsu glanced at him, his eyes rimmed slightly with red. It was an obvious lie.

They stood together in silence for what seemed like eternity, before Ritsu sighed heavily.

"How much did you hear?"

Takano was tempted to tell the truth. But he could see the tenseness in Ritsu's stance, the exhaustion that seemed to leak from every pore of his being, and Takano knew, now wasn't the time. Not now. Not with Ritsu looking like he had just walked through what was his own personal hell, and was preparing to fight a battle.

So he didn't reply. Instead, he grasped Ritsu's chaffed hands in a tight grip and walked towards the stairs. The sudden action caught Ritsu by suprise, making his instinctively pull back. But Takano ignored the reaction, and simply tugged Ritsu along.

"Wait! Takano-san! Takano-san! What's up? Why are you..."

"Just be quiet." he muttered, shutting Ritsu up instantly.

They continued to walk hand in hand, in silence, not breaking apart until they reached the car. They continued in tense silence throughout the ride home, up the lift that led to their apartment floor and out onto the hallway.

When Ritsu removed the key to his door however, a hand shot out to grab his wrist and he was tugged over to the next apartment down. Ritsu sent a confused look towards his boss, and Takano pulled out his apartment key and dragged Ritsu into his apartment.

"You're staying over with me tonight."

Ritsu started to protest, but the firm grip on his wrist and Takano's tone bore no nonsense and Ritsu was far too tired to argue. He was pushed into the bathroom and told to shower and put on a pair of soft pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt. Ritsu moved mechanically through the actions. He was then pushed down onto a sofa and firmly told not to leave in the same stern, but gentle tone, and Takano walked towards the kitchens. Ritsu faintly heard the sound of the shower running, then a kettle whistling but he couldn't bring himself to care. He stared dully out of the window, the city lights glowed in an infinite spread of yellow in the distance.

A warm mug of something was pressed into his still cold hands, making him look up in surprise.

"Drink."

Ritsu obeyed the command without thought. The hot chocolate that swirled in his mouth made him blink, and looked up at Takano questioningly.

"You mentioned once that it helped you sleep." came the reply to the unvoiced question. Ritsu nodded. He remembered talking to Kisa about it once, and Takano coming over to knock them on the head for gossiping too much. It made him wonder just how many conversations Takano had been eavesdropping on.

They continued to sit across each other, sipping their drinks, the silence no longer stifling as it had been, the ticking of the clock the only indication of the time passing. Finally Takano spoke.

"I won't ask questions."

Ritsu started in surprise and nodded, but he still looked wary. Takano took a sip of his drink before continuing.

"I won't ask questions, I won't demand answers. But I want you to know I'll always be here if you want to talk. I hope one day you'll tell me. But if that day isn't today, or tomorrow, or next week or month, it's okay. But when you're ready, I hope you'll tell me."

Ritsu nodded, this time a look of pure relief filled his face and Takano knew he'd done the correct thing.

"Thanks you. I'm sorry."

Takano gave a sigh.

"That habit of yours hasn't changed. You always seemed to apologise a lot to me."

Ritsu blushed but didn't apologise. He could remember that horrifically awkward conversation-slash-confession in the school library. He'd learnt his lesson.

Takano lowered his mug onto the table before walking slowly towards Ritsu before lowering himself to be eye level with the sitting Ritsu.

"Ritsu, I'm sorry. I do have a question afterall. But if don't want to answer it, you won't have to. But I really hope you will. Is it okay if I ask it?"

Ritsu paled slightly in response, and seemed conflicted for a moment, before nodding hesitantly. Takano's face was perfectly neutral, but he couldn't hide the slight trembling in his voice.

"Ritsu...at the end, you said you were in love with a man. Could you tell me who it is?"

Ritsu gasped and flushed a deep red, right from the base of his neck to the roots of his hair.

"I...I...It was nothing. I mean it was..." came the stuttered reply as Ritsu fumbled through his answer desperately.

Takano reached out an arm and pulled Ritsu close, effectively pausing the stuttered response.

"And Ritsu, is there any chance that it could be me?"

Ritsu didn't reply, but he fisted his hands on Takano's clothes and Takano simply squeezed him closer in response.

"Ritsu." murmured Takano, and Ritsu snuggled further into his warm embrace. He knew he wasn't supposed to. But he was tired, and the graveyard visit had torn his walls down. Ritsu couldn't resist the warm arms that embraced him with a gentle tenderness that made Ritsu's heart ache.

Ritsu didn't remember falling asleep. But in his dreams, he felt a pair of gentle arms moving him to a soft place, that smelled distinctly of Takano, and strong arms wrapping around him comfortingly, and a gentle whisper in his ear that murmured the words he couldn't bring himself to say.

"I love you."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you everyone for reviewing and following. I'm surprised by the support this story got, and I'm very touched by the encouragement given. Please continue to support me in writing this story. Read and review. I look forwards to hearing from you. **


	3. Chapter 3: The start of something

**Disclaimer**: Sekaiichi Hatsukoi is owned by Nakamura-sensei.

**Warnings**: (past) non-con (not explicit, no rape), fairly dark themes and some angst, but won't be over the top. If you have an issue with BL, then you're in the wrong fandom. Go away. A little extra warning that this story is rated T. This chapter will reflect this rating. Again, if you have an issues with this, you are in the wrong fandom.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Ritsu didn't want to open his eyes.

He was blissfully warm. It felt as if he was curling up in front of a warm fire, or sipping a mug of hot chocolate on a cold day. His senses were enveloped in a scent that he really could only describe as...comforting. It was mint and coffee and something else that made his toes curl. The warmth shifted and he couldn't resist cuddling a little deeper into the source, reaching out with all his might to cling onto it. He felt something encircle waist gently, and he was pulled closer into an embrace that he didn't want to escape. Something soft and gentle was pressed against his forehead, and then his lips, and dear god, Ritsu didn't want to wake up from this beautiful, sweet dream.

But reality and sanity pulled, and Ritsu gave a soft sigh as the firm pressure left his lips, before opening his eyes slowly, expecting the remnants of the dream to fade, and he'd open his eyes fully to see the white ceiling of his bedroom, with morning light shining harshly against his face.

Instead, the dream seemed to...solidify. The warmth around him radiating from a single object...or person in front of him, the arm around his waist became hard and firm, and Ritsu could _feel_ the cotton under his palms, and the firm planes of toned flesh that lay underneath that.

Ritsu blinked, confusion flitting across his face as Takano's face filled his view, looking at him with an intensity that made Ritsu shiver despite the warmth, and an intolerable heat pool in his abdomen. Then Ritsu blinked again, and the previous day's events came flooding back to him, the drive, the graveyard, the conversation, and Ritsu paled.

"Stop that." came the harsh tone, making Ritsu jump.

Ritsu blinked again, fully awake now, and scowled.

"What?"

Takano's patented glare was pointed towards him, a look that brook no discussion, and demanded instant obedience, and a flash of...sadness that came and went without Ritsu's notice.

"I meant stop thinking whatever it was you were thinking. I won't go back on what I promised last night, and I don't think any less of you for what happened."

Ritsu flushed and looked down. He could never figure out how Takano seemed to be able to read him like last week's newsflash.

"I...I don't know what to think." he whispered. "I don't know how to deal with this." His fingers curled around Takano's shirt in agitation. "I'm not ready to...I don't know how...I mean, you deserve to know right?" he blurted suddenly.

Takano looked at him in confusion.

"Onode...Ritsu, if you're not ready to tell me, then I'll wait. I wasn't lying."

"I know you weren't!" snarled Ritsu. "But...but you know now that...that something's..._wrong_ with me..." his fingers' tightened, and he curled, tense and shaking, words falling over each other with a sort of desperation to be spoken. "You know that something's not right, and that I can't be in a relationship ever, and I'm fucked up inside, and that I can't fall in love, even though I've already bloody fallen for you, and that I...mph!"

Ritsu's monologue was halted abruptly in its tracks when Takano's lips crashed into his, moving with a frantic intensity that left Ritsu gasping, his mind completely blank, taken over by the tongue that entered his mouth, fighting with his own, sucking, reaching places he'd never knew existed; hands slipping under his shirt, roving over his back, his chest, burning trails of liquid fire across his body; making him see darkness as he closed his eyes, sinking into the feeling of touch and sensation.

How long had it been? How long since he's been touched with such fervor, such reckless abandon that it felt that he would die from overloading on emotion and sensation? That made his breath hitch and gasp and struggle to suck in air only to expel it in the next moment?

Masamune pulled away from the kiss, allowing Ritsu to breathe, his hands continuing on their mission to map out the planes to Ritsu's chest, his eyes staring at Ritsu like...

'_like I'm his world.'_

The words came unbidden to Ritsu's mind, and it must have shown on his face because Takano gave him a smile, pulled him closer and whispered in his ear three words that made Ritsu's heart go into overdrive, and his chest ache in echo with his feelings. It made his palm sweat, and his face turn warm and in that single moment frozen in time, everything was perfect.

And then Takano began to lick a path down towards his navel and a hand came up to cup his hardening erection, and, Oh! everything just became _better._

Ritsu shuddered as Takano brushed his pajama clad member, and suddenly, a memory forced it's way to the front of his mind, making his freeze, as if a bucket of ice-cold water crashed on to him.

_"Ritsu. My sweet, adorable Ritsu. Does that feel good? You like it don't you?"_

_Ritsu bit on his arm, desperately trying to stifle the moans that struggled to leave his mouth._

_He didn't want this! He didn't want to be touched this way! He didn't want to! Not like this!_

_"Don't...Don't come near me..." he whispered. _

_"Oh Ritsu, sweet naive Ritsu. You should stop being such a bad boy. You know you like it right? You did come afterall. You're such a slut, enticing me with that body and then pushing me away. You were the one who tempted me. You wanted this didn't you?"_

_The cold hands continued to roam his body, stroking, touching him, forcing him to feel pleasure that he didn't want to feel. _

_"No...No..."_

_Tears fell from his dulled green eyes, as his body betrayed him, and responded to the external stimuli, his body tensing as he came, his teeth biting down painfully into his arm, muffling his scream of pleasure._

_Hands came up to brush his tears away as they continued to flow, and he flinched away from the cold hands. The hand came up to grip his face as he was forced to look into the person in the eye. Forced to watch as the man licked his cum covered fingers and smile delightedly at him._

_"Ah, Ritsu, did you enjoy that?"_

_"Stop. Please stop. Please..."_

"STOP!" the cry rose from his lips as he mustered all the force he could to _push_, forcing Takano off him and onto his side, as deep ragged breaths dragged at Ritsu's chest, and he struggled to find his equilibrium. He took stock of his surrounding then paled, horrified, turning towards Takano, stumbling over apologies.

"I'm sorry Takano! I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking! I mean, it wasn't you...I mean..."

Hands came up to brush his face and Takano was staring at him with an infinite sadness in his eyes.

"Ritsu, you're crying."

'_Huh?'_

And sure enough, there was a wetness to his cheeks that he hadn't noticed before.

"Eh? Oh. Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. It just..."

A pair of strong arms pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sorry. You weren't ready were you? I didn't mean to push." came the whispered apology.

Ritsu flushed, anger, relief and guilt mixed into one big tangled mess of overwhelming emotions that he didn't know what to do with.

"Thank you." He whispered instead, and leaned into Takano's chest.

He didn't have work that day, and neither did Takano.

They had all the time in the world.

* * *

Takano considered himself a reasonable person. He sorted out his rubbish for the collectors, didn't steal, didn't murder (unless it was authors who _refused to stick to the deadline_), and although he wouldn't flatter himself by saying he was a _nice_ person, he hardly considered himself the root of all things evil.

_'So'_ he wondered. _'Why does the universe seem to be against me?" _ he thought rather plaintively.

He was kneeling on his bed on his day off, the person he loved about 2 centimeters away from him, with himself being _extremely_ frustrated, and in a slightly..._hard _situation.

A sigh brought him back from his current...problem, and he refocused on the green-eyed brunette in his arms.

A gentle push, and he reluctantly released his hold on Ritsu. Ritsu gave him a look, that seemed to be a cross between a smile and a grimace,

"We should get up."

Takano nodded.

"I'll hit the shower first." he muttered.

A look of guilt crossed Ritsu's face.

"Ah. Um...Takano-san, if you want...I mean...it's my fault so…"

Takano raised an eyebrow.

_'Is he offering what I think he's offering?'_

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." Takano replied with a grimace. Did he want Ritsu? Yes. Of course he did.

_'But not like this. Not with that look of guilt on his face. He said he wasn't ready. He's forcing himself.'_

However, he couldn't help be a little touched that Ritsu would be willing to...help with his problem, so to speak… in spite of his reservations.

"Oh. Okay then." came the mumbled reply. Ritsu's eyes were cast downwards, his fingers fidgeting nervously.

Takano blew out a breath, and moved forwards, tilting Ritsu's head up to meet his.

"Ritsu, it's okay. You don't need to force yourself into something if you're not ready for it."

Ritsu flushed.

"Sorry..."

"You're apologizing too much again." teased Takano with a grin.

Ritsu's faced darkened in a mixture of embarrassment and annoyance.

"I didn't mean to." he muttered under his breath, making Takano chuckle before ruffling the brunette's hair.

"Seriously though, it's fine." he said with a parting smirk and turned towards the shower, when Ritsu's hand pulled him back.

"Takano...I..." Ritsu's gaze bore into Takano's with a desperate intensity. "Takano, I won't apologize, but...thank you." he whispered as he released the vice like grip on Takano's arm.

Takano blinked and nodded. It seemed to be enough as a look of relief flashed across Ritsu, and he was up and walking towards the door.

"I'll just...go back to my apartment. I've got to...do...stuff..." mumbled Ritsu in explanation as he hurried to the door.

"Ritsu."

The one word froze him in his tracks. He didn't turn. How could he? He was so horrifically _embarrassed_!

"Ritsu, come over later. Bring Mutou-sensei's draft and I'll look over it with you."

Ritsu visibly slumped before he sent a glare towards his boss.

"It's my day off! Seriously? You're going to make me work today? I can't..."

"Ritsu, just come over."

Ritsu grimaced and with a quick nod of acknowledgment left the apartment.

Takano watched him go with a scowl. It was incredibly frustrating that the only excuse he could come up with was work. They shared few hobbies, and the main hobby that they once shared, reading, was now their job. Hardly light conversation.

Takano scowled once more and headed towards the showers. He needed a cold one this morning.

* * *

Onodera Ritsu entering the Emerald Shoujo Manga department wasn't a fluke. Probability stated that it was the likeliest place he'd end up. In addition, Onodera hadn't applied during the normal employment period, and as such, Marukawa wasn't exactly recruiting when Onodera dropped in his resume. Plus, the company didn't exactly want him. Not only because he was heir to one of their biggest rivals in the publishing business, but because Onodera Ritsu was _good_. He had worked with some of the biggest names in literature, yet abruptly quit. What if he was hoping to poach their authors? But, the higher ups were of the opinion that one should always keep their friends close and their enemies closer, and so wanted Onodera to stay at Marukawa, but not work in literature in case he persuaded their authors to leave.

And so they placed him in the one place they expected him to fail, the department furthest away from literature as one could get.

The Emerald Shoujo Manga department.

The Emerald department had one of the highest turnover rates of interns in the company. Second only to perhaps the sales department (and then, only the interns working directly under a certain Yokozawa. But that's another story). It was unlikely that Onodera Ritsu would survive the cut-throat world of manga, with zero experience and a boss like Takano Masamune. They expected him to quit in 3 days.

But he didn't.

In fact, he was the first newbie editor to last for more than 2 months since Takano had taken over the department 2 years ago. The majority of the current editors either had several years experience with shoujo manga, or had been in the department for a long while. Onodera Ritsu became the first addition to the core team in almost two years, the last one being Takano himself. The higher ups were surprised, and admittedly slightly impressed. Onodera looked to be a hard worker for the past few months, and none of their authors had moved to Onodera publishing, and so they decided to leave well enough alone.

The day this was decided in a meeting was the day Onodera Ritsu caught the attention of one Isaka Ryuuichirou. As heir to Marukawa publishing, Onodera Ritsu had always been on Isaka's radar. It was his business to know about his rivals afterall. But, it wasn't until he noticed that Onodera seemed to be sincerely working for Marukawa publishing, quitting his cushier job at Onodera publishing to work as a newbie editor in an area that he had no experience in, despite being one of the more successful literature editors while at Onodera Publishing.

Isaka sat at his desk, pondering the conundrum that was Onodera Ritsu. He liked the kid. He really did. When Ritsu became head of Onodera publishing's, he was definitely going to try and work out a few collaborations between the two companies. But...something was..._off_ about the current situation.

As an heir himself, he did understand the pressure that Onodera must be under. And wanting to leave his father's shadow was something Isaka understood very well too. However, what tripped him up was Onodera's stubbornness at staying with Marukawa's Emerald department. His boss was strict and impatient, he was the lowest editor on the food-chain, and he was working in an area he didn't like. Nothing was keeping him from leaving and returning to Onodera publishing. Heck, Isaka himself probably would've. No one would have judged him if he had simply said that he couldn't get a job as a literature editor. It was what he was originally good at afterall.

But instead, Onodera Ritsu had borne it all. The humiliation of working at a rival's company, of being the newest kid on the block and the runner boy for the department when there weren't interns around. He didn't even apply for a transfer to the literature department. He used none of the connections he had (though this was probably because he didn't want to be seen as manipulative), but still...something wasn't adding up.

Isaka heaved a sigh. It wasn't _really_ his business, and really, the personal and private life of his employee was hardly his concern. But still, he could relate only too well to Onodera, and so it was difficult for him to turn a blind eye to the situation. Looking down at the work on his desk he decided that he would put Onodera out of his mind for now, and hope that it was only his overactive imagination that was twisting everything out of proportion. Hopefully, that is.

* * *

A knock on the door had Takano hurrying from his place on the sofa to answer the door. Pulling it open revealed a comfortably dressed Ritsu, with a sheaf of paper under one arm and his computer under the other.

"I'm here." he growled.

Takano looked unamused at Ritsu's attitude, but motioned for him to enter the apartment with a stern look. Ritsu ignored the glare. He couldn't help the slight resentment towards Takano at the moment. He had worked his ass off the day before just so that he could have his wonderful three day weekend, and now it was ruined because he was freaking neighbors with his workaholic boss.

Brilliant.

He settled into the sitting room, while Takano put the kettle on for coffee. The two rooms were in the same space, separated by bar and a small dining table.

"So, Takano-san, I've looked at the storyboard and I didn't really like the way the argument scene played out. It ended in a gag, and it was a bit..."

"Mutou-sensei does tend to do that a bit. Are we talking about her 'Sweet Heart' series or her 'Kimono Butterfly' series?"

"Her 'Sweet Heart' series."

"Ah. Okay. Yes, the two main characters are finally at that impasse huh? Well, considering the main character's personality, a gag might actually be in character you know..."

"Yes, but it really breaks up the flow of the story..."

They continued to banter back and forth as the kettle whistled, and Takano made the coffee, throwing out ideas in one sentence and discarding them in the next. Ritsu, to his surprise, realized he was starting to enjoy it. There wasn't any rush to get the draft done. No deadline looming up, and no angry Takano breathing down his neck for the final draft. It was just idle chatter about the story itself, the better parts of it, and areas where it could've been better. Interspersed between the comments, Takano would occasionally recount previous authors who had done something similar, or particularly outrageous, making Ritsu smile and chuckle as he relaxed.

They continued to talk about the storyboard, but slowly but surely, the conversation shifted towards other things, the freezing weather, Isaka's attempt at an open door policy, Emerald's choice of decor (which Ritsu was particularly resentful towards).

"I mean, really, I understand the need to make editors think like a girl to create a good shoujo manga, but surely 24 teddy bears is just overkill? And besides, isn't it kinda redundant when the nearer hell week we get, the more 'little shop of horrors' it gets? I mean, seriously, it looks like someone had let loose a rabid monkey in a toy shop. And they're a pain to clean."

Takano shrugged.

"It's not that bad..."

Ritsu raised an eyebrow.

"You honestly believe that?"

Takano snorted.

"Nah. But really, it's the start of the month when the storyboard's getting done, so that's when the creative process and importance of editing plays a major part. It does get a bit redundant towards the end, but you can't deny it works."

Ritsu scowled.

"Yeah. Sure. Hate to tell you this Takano-san, but I find it damn disturbing that I need to describe to my parents that I work in a doll house."

This time, Takano couldn't suppress his laughter and almost choked on his coffee, making Ritsu pout and scowl even deeper.

"I'm sorry. Couldn't help it. I can just see you describing the place. 'Oh mum, I had the most awful time trying to rid this coffee stain from my pink pillow, and the teddy bear kept falling over my computer...'"

"It's your fault Takano-san!" protested Ritsu.

"It's Masamune."

Ritsu blinked.

"Huh?"

"I mean, it's strange that I call you Ritsu, but you continue to call me Takano-san. We're not at work, so just call me Masamune."

Ritsu gaped at him.

"I...Erm...okay. If you insist."

"I do."

Ritsu nodded, and an awkward silence stretched before Takano gave a small cough.

"So, did you like the new book by Usami Akihiko sensei? 'Red leaves of Autumn'?"

The mention of his beloved books made Ritsu perk up immediately.

"Yeah! I did! It's his first major romance focused story too! It's great isn't it?"

Takano smiled.

"Yeah, it is. I liked how the main character really grows on you. You start of disliking Masaki, but then the more you read about her, the more you like her growth."

Ritsu nodded enthusiastically.

"Yup! I mean, you start of thinking that 'man, this person's naive' but then you realize that she has depths that you'd never know existed. I was really touched when she cried for the guy she use to hate."

"Actually, I found that rather amusing."

"No way! I almost burst into tears! It was so heart wrenching when Usagi-san cried! I guess it's something that you'd only find in manga or stories though."

"Hmmm... I wonder. But do you know what really got me in that story?"

Ritsu shook his head.

"what?"

Takano's lips twisted into a wry smile.

"What really got me was that Usagi-san could love Masaki's older sister for over ten years, and not tell her. I guess I kinda related to him."

Ritsu flushed.

"But," whispered Takano as he leant forward towards Ritsu. "unlike Usagi, I don't plan on remaining silent, and I plan to continue to love this person for a far longer than just ten years."

By this point, Ritsu's face was a deep burgundy, his head was spinning and his heart thumped heavily in his chest.

"Tak.."

"Masamune." reminded Takano.

"Masa...Masamune..." whispered Ritsu.

"Yes?"

Ritsu's eyes fell to his lap, refusing to make eye contact with the man in front of him.

"Masamune, don't you think you deserve better though? Even Usagi-san had to move on. He couldn't wait forever."

"I don't intend to. Because I'm going to make my advances clear. I won't be waiting. I'll be actively seeking out the person I love. I won't wait for them to come to me. I'll go to them."

"But...I..."

"Ritsu, even if I do decide to wait, it'll be my choice. Besides," a sly grin appearing on his face. "I think I've already had a rather impressive confession this morning..."

Ritsu's head shot up, his green eyes wild, his blush extending to his ears.

"I...I was half asleep then you bastard! I mean... it wasn't fair! I..."

"So you didn't mean it?" asked Takano, his heart sinking.

"No! Not that! I meant it was...I..." Ritsu groaned. "Why is this so hard?!"

"So you meant it?" Takano was already reaching out towards Ritsu, pulling his face closer, their lips an inch apart.

"I..." Ritsu stuttered. But Takano could read the answer in Ritsu's eyes and he pulled Ritsu in for a deep kiss. Ritsu gasped and moaned. It was this morning all over again. It was firm, and gentle and made Ritsu melt. They broke apart for air, and Ritsu was breathing heavily.

"Yes." he whispered.

"Hmmm...?"

"I said, yes."

Takano looked at Ritsu, and smiled. Really smiled. He looked down at Ritsu.

"Yeah. I know." And he pulled Ritsu into another kiss.

* * *

Ritsu lay on the ground, in legs crossed comfortably as he leaned his head against Takano's knee. Once they had regained some semblance of control over their senses, Ritsu had a minor freak out, leaving Takano to reassure him.

_"Tak..Masamune, I'm not...I'm not ready! I can't...I mean, I'm not...whole... and I don't know what to..."_

_Takano pulled Ritsu into a quick embrace before releasing him._

_"Ritsu, it's fine. We'll take it slow. As slow as you need this to be. I won't push."_

_"What about work? What's the policy on office relationships?"_

_Takano frowned. _

_"As far as I understand, as long as it's not flaunted and not abused, it's fine."_

_Ritsu gave a wry smile, calming considerably._

_"At least I won't affect your job." He sent a stern look towards Takano. "Nothing changes at work."_

_Takano rolled his eyes._

_"I'm your boss you know? I would think that I'd know best. Do you really think I'd be biased towards your work?"_

_Ritsu snorted._

_"I wish. In all likelihood you'll be even stricter with me, because you know you can get away with it."_

_Takano grinned and pulled Ritsu into another hug._

_"It'll be alright Ritsu. We'll figure this out together, yeah?"_

_Ritsu nodded into Takano's shoulder. They were in this together._

"So, coming back to our previous conversation, Usami-sensei has really changed his writing style huh?" Takano commented, breaking Ritsu out of his musings.

"Err...yeah. I know." Ritsu frowned."He's really changed quite a bit since I was his editor. It use to more melancholic. But now his writings seem to be more...alive. I prefer it. He's really grown as an author."

Takano nodded.

"Yeah. Oh! I'd forgotten that you use to be his editor. What was it like?"

Ritsu shrugged.

"It was a while ago, but we got along pretty well. He still sends me free copies of his books." Ritsu added with a small grin. "He was one of my first authors as an editor, and I was so impressed by him. He switched over to Marukawa publishing a year or so ago, but I haven't seen him around. I should drop by just to mess with him."

"How'd a newbie editor get a big shot like him?"

Ritsu raised an eyebrow.

"You know, most people would assume that it'd be because of my name."

Takano rolled his eyes.

"I know you too well. You're too headstrong by half. Your pride wouldn't have allowed it."

Ritsu looked amused before nodding.

"Yeah. It really was a coincidence and a series of bizarre events that led to him being assigned to me. You see, when I was learning the ropes in editing, I was following Usami-sensei's previous editor around, and often visited Usami-sensei's place together with her and essentially helping her out. So when she got pregnant and resigned, I had enough experience and took over editing for a bit. It was supposed to be a temporary thing , but they kept trying out new editors and it seemed that either Usami-sensei hated them or they couldn't work with him for some reason and so I just...ended up being his editor." he finished rather lamely.

"Really? Huh. Guess things like that just happen."

"Yeah. But maybe not. Usami-sensei has a few...character traits that are perhaps difficult to deal with. You'd hate him Masamune. He never reaches his deadline." Ritsu said with a laugh.

"Yeah. I would hate him." Takano deadpanned, making Ritsu crack up once more.

"His stories were always brilliant though." Ritsu paused. "Did you know he use to have the world's most atrocious punctuation? I literally spent hours just correcting his punctuation. It drove me spare. And then there was his house. It makes our office look like a page from home&garden. I'd actually have to go over there and do housework just so I could walk through the front door. And then there's the way he'd forget everything when he started writing. There was once when I caught him not eating for about 2 days straight. I literally had to force feed him some okayu and sugar drinks to prevent him from fainting."

Takano smiled at Ritsu's animated description. It was a part of Ritsu's life that he didn't know much about, and he was fascinated. The fact that Usami Akihiko was probably one of his favorite authors of all time probably helped.

"And then there was the time when I found out he was gay..." Ritsu slapped a hand over his mouth, his face twisting in horror. "Sorry Takano-san! I shouldn't have said that! I..,"

Takano looked rather non-plussed.

"Ritsu, why would the fact that he was gay disturb me? It'd be kinda hypocritical."

Ritsu blinked before flushing, realizing his rather obvious mistake.

"Oh. Yeah. Uhm. Anyway, I was pretty surprised myself, but like you said, it'd have been hypocritical to be offended or anything. So I just rolled with it, and Usami was really shocked. By that point, we were pretty good friends so I told him I was gay as well. We came up with the concept of 'Junjou Romantica' together."

"'Junjou Romantica'? The top selling BL novel about the three couples? Usami-sensei writes _that?_"

Ritsu gave a Cheshire grin.

"Yep. That's the one. And Masamune, I now know that you read it. I'm kinda proud." teased Ritsu, while a slightly pink hue tinted Takano's face.

"I just thought it was really well written that's all!" defended Takano.

"Yeah. Sure." grinned Ritsu. "Anyway, it's great isn't it? I get copies of that too, so I can pass you the latest volume. I thought of the concept after listening to one of Usami's drunken rants, and I suggested it to him. He was a bit apprehensive about it, but I won him over to the idea. And once he was on board, we ran with it. We had the first volume all ready to be finalized when I quit. I was thrilled when he continued with it, though he changed one of the main characters in the Romantica pairing, and I didn't know that he was going to add the Egoist pairing."

"Wait, why did you quit if you were so close to publishing the book? After the amount of work, it seems like a bit of a shame."

Ritsu tensed at the question, which didn't go unnoticed by Takano, before forcing himself to relax.

"Well...I had my reasons I guess. But I did make sure that handover went well. I just didn't expect Usami to leave Onodera publishing as well and switch to Marukawa. He insisted that it wasn't my fault and claimed that Marukawa was simply offering him a better deal. I know it's not true though, so I don't really know what happened." he finished with a shrug. Ritsu stood up and stretched. "Anyway, I think I'd better get going. I need to go do some grocery shopping before the shops close."

"Sure. Don't forget your coat and your work." reminded Takano as he grabbed the empty coffee cups and headed for the sink.

Ritsu rolled his eyes.

"Not seven years old mom." he sniped back, before gathering his stuff and leaving the apartment.

Takano's hands moved robotically as he washed the dishes.

'_So Usami-sensei knows something about Ritsu huh? I wonder if I could get him alone and ask? I may have promised not to push Ritsu, but I didn't promise him I wouldn't find out from other people. Maybe I can ask Isaka for an address...'_ he thought as he replaced the mugs in the cupboard.

Walking towards the sitting room, he grabbed a dog-eared book from a shelf and settled down to read, making himself a mental note to ask Isaka the next time he saw him.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you everyone for your amazing reviews, and thanks for favouriting and following this story! I'm really thrilled by the reception and I'm humbled by your praise. Thanks so much for supporting this story! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and please review!

**A/N2: **One of the reviewers (thanks) mentioned how Ritsu and Takano are really casual around each other. When I look back, I agree. But keep in mind that they have already been working together for almost a year by this point, and know each other pretty well at the office. So when the dam broke, I figured, they'd just treat each other a close friends. That's the logic. But thank you to RENAImochi for pointing it out. It's a good point. Also, special thanks to BashyBunny who pointed out a rather embarrassing mistake. It's been fixed.


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